The portly god of gaming is challenging all comers to a pie eating contest. If you win, you may possibly somewhat maybe get a vague new cocktease information on Half-Life 3! Here is what Newell had to say:

Gamers everywhere are constantly asking us about Half-Life 3. We’ve been quiet about it all and it seems everyone is searching for new clues on this possible title. I won’t say we are working on it, but maybe we are? Or possibly not? Anyhow, this thurst for possible knowledge on Half-Life 3 is why I am issuing this challenge.

As you all know, I love eating. A LOT. Currently, I am the Official Pie Eating Champion of the Delaware Ellendale County Fair as well as various other prestigious counties. I NEVER LOSE. I will take on all challengers. Come get me! If you can beat me in a pie eating contest I will maybe possibly divulge info on Half-Life 3. Will it be a blurry picture of a hat with a Half-Life 3 logo? Someones snotty napkin with a smear that resembles HL3? Does the game even exist in development?! Who knows? That is what is so exciting about it all! If you can topple this pie champion you may find something out!….Maybe!

So how do you feel about this challenge? Think you can defeat the pie master, Gabe Newell at his own game?

Voldo is getting excited while fighting Kilik.

Soul Calibur V features enhanced boob physics, making the female characters much more bouncy. Soul Calibur V is also the first video game to feature dong physics, giving male characters’ members a realistic sway as they move around completely exposed after their armor is broken.

While it is still possible to break your opponent’s armor in Soul Calibur 5, the characters are no longer wearing undergarments. This is a major relief to parents who have voiced concern over their children seeing women wearing nothing but panties in the previous Soul Calibur games. It is also much easier to break your opponent’s armor in Soul Calibur V. One or two hits is usually enough to leave your opponent completely nude.

Soul Calibur V will also feature an upgraded character creator. It will feature an enhanced breast size editor, allowing you more control to make your character’s cup size anything from a tiny DD up to a massive MMM. New in Soul Calibur V, you will also be able to choose the length and girth of your male characters’ schlong. After a lawsuit by a prominent nudist colony over the inability to make characters completely nude, Soul Calibur 5 gives players the option to create their ideal character, sans costumes and undergarments.

Ivy's Big Reveal

To further customize your characters, Soul Calibur 5 has also introduced a special unlockable “Mix-and-Match” feature, allowing your to mix and match body features of your custom characters. With Mix-and-Match, you will be able to create characters that feature both DDD breasts as well as a 12in doinker. The sex you chose for your character is no longer a barrier to customization. This allows you to make a character that is truly fun for everyone! Mix-and-Match can be unlocked by beating Arcade Mode using Ivy. Upon completion of Arcade Mode, Ivy will reveal something we’ve all known all along and the Mix-and-Match option will be activated.

It is refreshing to see a video game as progressive as Soul Calibur V. While staying true to the straight male demographic that made the series what it is today, Soul Calibur V also adds something for its gay male and straight female players. [Spoiler Alert] Ivy’s big reveal in Soul Calibur V also raises awareness of the problems faced by the transgendered people in our society. [/Spoiler] Soul Calibur 5 is really a game that people from all walks of life can enjoy.

The original Way of the Warrior was a fighting frenzy game on the 3D0, met with fantastic reviews.  Now, Naughty Dog hopes to bring that same bone crushing, fist fighting experience to new platforms.

The new game will feature robust online play, and those who order the special edition will also receive the first Way of the Warrior via DLC!  Details are scarce, but stay tuned for more info as it arrives.

Story

The story behind Street Fighter IV is a little confusing to follow, even for Street Fighter fans.  It involves yet another tournament, this time the main theme centers around a scientific experiment from BLECE with engineered super warriors.  The boss in this one is one of these, though he claims independence and originality from the others and calls himself Seth.  Each character has their own anime opening and ending cinema that while featuring sub par artwork, is still a surprising and interesting effort, nonetheless.  If you are really playing Street Fighter, though, what you are really into is the gameplay.

Gameplay

This is where Street Fighter shines.  The game may look 3D, but it plays just like the its predecessors.  You still have the 6 button system of 3 punches and 3 kicks, and moves are still performed with circular and charge motions.  Supers make their return but have been turned into one per character, much like Super Street Fighter II Turbo, and Street Fighter III: Third Strike.  EX moves make their return from part 3 as well, allowing players to do powered up versions of special moves at the cost of a part of your super meter.  New to the series are the focus attack and ultra combos.  Focus attacks add quite a bit of new strategy to the mix.  Players can use this as a counter attack, as it will go through one attack and has the potential to break through blocks.  They can also be used as move cancels at the cost of a portion of your super meter.  This opens the path to some nasty combos.  Ultras are a brutal form of supers that are performed after a revenge meter is built up from getting hit.  Each one is deadly, and quite a spectacle to see when they are pulled off.

All eight original world warriors are here including Ryu, Ken, Blanka, Chun Li, Zangeif, Guile, etc.  The 4 original bosses also make their triumphant return so you can be sure to face many psycho crushers online.  Making a return for the console only are fan favorites from the Alpha series and Super versions of Street Fighter 2, Cammy, Fei Long, Sakura, Gen, Rose, Akuma and my personal favorite, Dan.  The real special treat comes in the form of Gouken (a.k.a. Shen Long).  For the first time in Street Fighter, players can now play as Ryu and Ken’s former master, thought to be dead.  The other new comers are worthy additions with their own unique moves.  El Fuerte takes on opponents with his speed, Abel uses grappling and rolls to his advantage, and so on.  This rounds off to a roster of 25 characters in total.  The game feels very well balanced over all although when facing computer controlled opponents Zangeif and Abel feel particularly nasty to face.

The game is pretty straight forward when it comes to modes.  There is the standard arcade mode, online play, training, and challenge mode.  The challenge mode actually has 3 modes within it: a time attack, survival mode, and trials.  The trials are a good place to show players unique combos to perform with characters, although a proper beginners tutorial would have been much more helpful and relevant to encourage new comers to play.  Sadly, that feels like a missed opportunity.  That said, Street Fighter IV is still fun for people of all skill levels to dive in.  It will just take beginners a while to get used to its gameplay.

Online, the game works great.  Lag issues are very minimal, if any at all.  They provide incentive to play more by offering titles and icons as rewards for playing and winning matches.  Given the games popularity, there is also no problem finding matches online.  My only gripe is the occasional  boot I get when trying to connect to some ranked matches, but that is minimal.

Graphics

The new 3D art is very stylish, colorful, and impressive.  Capcom has done a wonderful job working with animation as each fighter makes great facial expressions in response to moves.  For example, every time you start an ultra combo the opponent gets bug eyed, and mouth gapes open in face of impending doom.  This game is definitely full of great eye candy that works very well.

Sound

Aside from the strange opening theme, the music in Street Fighter IV is catchy, and works well.  You will even here remixed versions of classic songs during some matches.  Unfortunately, you cannot choose to use just these classic remixes during matches, but they are great when they come on.  Capcom also thankfully provided the option to choose between English and Japanese voices, and even edit individual fighers languages.  The English voice acting can be a bit cheesy at times, so it is nice to have the option to change it.

The Verdict

The Street Fighter series has a special place in many gamers memories, so it was a very delicate task to make a new game to satisfy both new and old gamers.  Street Fighter IV delivered beautifully on all fronts.  It is accessible to new comers, has excellent online play, and has the great gameplay we all come to expect from a Street Fighter game.  If you enjoy fighting games, you owe it to yourself to check out Street Fighter IV.  It is definitely a must buy for fighting fans and gamers.

Final Score:

9.5/10

Luckily for me (and you lucky viewers), someone else has done this, too, and caught it all on lovely high res video.  The result is hilarious. Major props to the guy who made this video.  Rule #1 of online gaming: Don’t try to pick up women in a videogame.